I Make Me, Michelle!

hola!
XD
My previous posts were pretty negative since i was feeling a little bit down trodden. but not anymore. no sir-ee…:D
This time you’ll be able to read mostly positive things. :)

I am very happy and very proud to announce that I will be pursuing a higher form of education. I choose to be, not merely a nurse, but a Nurse Audiologist.
I bet you guys are probably asking what the hell is an Audiologist by now.

“An audiologist is a health-care professional specializing in identifying, diagnosing, treating and monitoring disorders of the auditory and vestibular system portions of the ear. Audiologists are trained to diagnose, manage and/or treat hearing or balance problems. They dispense hearing aids and recommend and map cochlear implants. They counsel families through a new diagnosis of hearing loss in infants, and help teach coping and compensation skills to late-deafened adults. They also help design and implement personal and industrial hearing safety programs, newborn hearing screening programs, school hearing screening programs, and provide special fitting ear plugs and other hearing protection devices to help prevent hearing loss. In addition, many audiologists work as auditory scientists in a research capacity.”

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audiology

So in summary, I’ll be making the world a better place, one deaf person at a time..:)

Here in the Philippines, only two schools offer this course. These are University of Santo Tomas (UST) and University of the Philippines (UP). I chose to enroll in UST. It took a lot for me to get in. I had to take an exam along with other hopefuls. After the exam, we had to wait for the results because only the top 50 who scored the highest gets to be scheduled for an interview. Then from those 50 who were interviewed, only 30 are allowed to enroll every 2 years. so yeah, its a pretty big deal!

Fortunately, somebody up there must really love me enough to have mercy on my soul because I passed every single one. :D
I didnt even know I was smart enough to even get in the school. Finding out that I got in on my own ability was maybe the happiest I have ever been this year. (I can say that because the year is not over yet) XD

Qualifying for enrollment means that I will have to move to Manila and leave my job, family, and my friends behind. Which is sad because I am very comfortable with my life here in Zamboanga. Sure, we don’t get to do much, but we have family gatherings almost every month since I am part of a huge family.

But I learned that if I want my life to change, huge risks must be taken. and according to Sister Niere, “You have to step out of your comfort zone in order for you to grow.” I totally believe her because she is so funny, she’s a nun, and she’s 82 years old. :D

This will be my first time away from everybody and out on my own. I’m very excited and scared at the same time. But I firmly believe that everything just needs a little getting used to. One day, I’m going to wake up and be well adjusted with every nook and crannies life has to offer. I’m doing this for myself. And I am ever so grateful that my parents support me.

I do not want to be pessimistic. But I just cant help myself. Whenever I do have these thoughts, I try to divert my attention in something beautiful or funny. because I learned that it is only I who can make or break everything that makes me ME. and no one has the right to define me but myself. :) I learned this the hard way.

Year 2012 was a hard year for me but 2013 promises a lot of self realization and discoveries. This is the year I change my life. So, Good Luck to me!

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Well, apparently, I have really low self-esteem.

Here is how I know:
1. Can’t Handle Praise/ Criticisms
-Every time somebody would compliment me, I just shrug it off because I don’t believe them.
ex.
Friend: OMG! Pumayat ka Mich! :)
Me: Weh! Wala akong pera noh…:P

Friend: You look really nice tonight. :)
ME: tsk. Yeah right! :|

2.Puts people down/ Condescending
-Well, I don’t really put people down because I think that it’s not something nice to do. I consider it bullying. But sometimes, I do that in my head. Like if my friend has a really nice pair of shoes, I automatically think that it was her parents who bought her those or that she has no sense of what looks good on her…:( I’m not proud of it.

3. Compares self with others
-Well, after I put people down in my head, I tend to do this. Especially if I’m in a crowd of really smart or well-off people.
Whenever I’m at my cousin’s place and they just happen to have a small Lunch party, I don’t talk to any of my Cousin’s friends. No, there is nothing wrong with them. I just really get too intimidated by them. I start to over think of what they might think of me, as if they’d talk to a “probinsyana” like me. haaay.
Most of the time it has something to do with my career. Like before I apply to a high-end hospital, I keep telling myself that I dont have the qualifications and acheivements others have. :/

4.Can’t Say No!
-I used to can never say no. but I learned to. But I still tend to do this sometimes even if others are already taking advantage of my kindness. I just keep doing what they want me to do. so, yeah, i guess you can say I’m a push over. I just want people to like me. I guess I’m looking for their acceptance.

5.Being Indecisive
-I started being indecisive ever since I graduated and passed the board. mainly because I didn’t know what to do next. there were too many choices, unlike before, whatever mom and dad told me to do, I’ll just simply do it. no questions asked. Yeah, I’m pretty much lost.

6. Blames others/things/ etc.
-I remember one time, when I accidentally crashed our car on a post inside our company. I started blaming the security guard for leading me the wrong way then i blamed the post for being there…:| That was stupid. but i did get a good laugh out of it..:)

7. Overly Apologetic
-At work, I always apologize. I dunno, I just feel like Kahit anong gawin ko, I’ll always be useless…:/

8. Controlling vs. Empowering
-As much as possible, if I can control, I will. I do try my hardest to give space to improve. but if i get the chance to control, I will…:| I can be quite jealous.. i just hide everything nasty inside.

Other than this, I found an online quiz to know if you have low self esteem. and it said 75% of the time that I do have low self esteem. :(
*sigh*

I need to change if I want to be successful, but where to start? I seriously don’t know. I am lost.

I never thought I’d have body ache this bad. I used to be a dancer and I used to play a lot of group sports before. So when I started working out, I thought it’s going to be a piece of cake. Wow, How wrong was I.

Fresh from Manila, I decided that it is high time that I start shedding the extra pounds. Actually, it was thanks to my Cousin who persuaded me to take on the challenge.I had a list of what to do:

1. Find a Gym (with dressing room, treadmill,water dispenser, locker)
2. Enroll in a Zumba class
3. Diet: all whole wheat/ Multi-Grain Diet. Strictly 1 Scoop rice ONLY. no junkfoods. Lots and lots of water.
4. Take Orlistat for additional Fat loss boost.

Monday, April 1, 2013, I started my search with gym hunting at Chrishelle Fitness Gym. I am already a member. so for a walk-in fee of 100php, it was all good. Sad part was when I got to the treadmill area, I had to drop 5php/5 mins of running…:/ that was a disappointment. I don’t mind doing the bikes, but I prefer the treadmill still…:( so I did 15mins. of running (because I only had 15php worth of 5php coins) and did some stretching before going for crunches, leg press and arm press… after that work out which lasted 2 grueling hours, my abdomen, inner arms and legs hurt like hell.

I had Duty the next day, so making sudden movements (or moving at all), was torture. I told myself I’ll go to the gym again on friday to let my body rest a bit.

Friday, April 5,2013, This time, I have a gym buddy. We decided to try out BlueGym because a lot of Ateneans told me that they are clean and very sanitary. To get the best work out, I walked from Ateneo to the gym, which was more or less 5km away. When I got there, it was very clean. They do have Dressing Rooms, Lockers, Water, and the most important of all, treadmill..:) I was so happy, I did my routine and then some. I started with cardio, then abs, side, arms, then the legs. after 2 hours of aching muscular fibers, I joined in with the Zumba class. It was really intense. My body was already battered by the work out, I just had to pulverize it more with dancing and more stretching…@@

I’m happy to say that I survived! Body aches more, but still alive…XD
I decided on my work out schedule… 2 hours at gym M,W,F. Every friday night, join zumba class.

I hope this works… wish me luck! :D

So, I found out that my very good friend is getting married.

I feel, happy, sad, worried ,and hungry for some reason. I’m still trying to figure out how it is remotely possible for a person to feel a whole lot of emotions all at the same time.

I’m very happy for my friend. I love her to bits. She found a kind and loving man that screams out “Husband Material” once you lay eyes on him. But I’m also sad, because I feel like I’m losing her. She just feels quite distant lately. I try to tell myself that its probably because she’s busy with life and such.. but deep inside I cant help but think that she does not want to hang out with us anymore. :( I’m worried for her. Will she be happy? Is she making the right choices? (I know I sound like a mom)

Marriage is a big step in life. I confided to my best friend that there are times that I plan my wedding in my head. At some point I even thought that I was mental. Sometimes when I’m bored, I look through online catalogs of wedding planners. They usually have pictures of how the gown looks, how the reception and the decor of the church looks, even the clothing choices for the entourage. I envision myself walking on that aisle looking stunning in that beautiful white gown with a smile plastered on my face.

The SAD part about that little vision is that my “HUSBAND to be” does not exist.

My best friend is very wise beyond her years. She said it’s normal since that’s the next goal we have in life. I just thought that maybe when I’m old and wrinkly, I might actually look forward to dying. :|

I don’t know anymore. Things are just moving way to fast while I’m stuck being stagnant. when will my adventure begin anyway? When I’m 50? I did hear that they say life begins at 50. *sigh*

I’m not really the type of person who would be so indecisive. I’m known to be more spontaneous. I can be a novel reading introvert today, but be a mountain climbing adventurous person tomorrow. you cant really initially tell what I’m conjuring up in this head of mine. It even scares me sometimes.

But the thing is, whatever I end up deciding to do, I would never EVER be INDECISIVE about it, and I would really NEVER regret what I’ll end up doing. 

Well lately I haven’t been living out to my reputation. I cant make a decision. let’s put it this way, option A.=living in a place where I’d be comfortable and be given the special treatment. option B. =living in a place beyond my imagination, alone, and will learn to be independent to work things by one’s self.

If I was asked which one of the options I would choose  6 years ago, I’d definitely say OPTION B. But now, OPTION A kind of sound so tempting. Maybe because I’m scared of the outcome. Would I be successful? no? yes? It’s hard to tell.

I worked hard to be where I am now, to simply leave my comfort zone is like committing suicide.
For now, Option A is good enough, but when the time comes that I have to choose between the two again, I’d definitely choose option B. it’s deathly scary, but it’s the only way for me to learn. it’s an opportunity, an adventure. 

(Forever Aloooone! DX)

Hey! Listen! Being in a relationship with one’s self is the best relationship one can have. before one can be in a relationship with another, one should take time to know and love them selves first. because, come on, seriously, how the heck do you expect to love someone if you cant even love yourself???:/

Mommy taught me well. :)

No jealousy. No fights. Just pure bliss. I get to know more of myself. My dislikes and Likes and my preferences. Sure I dream to find my partner in life someday, but as of now, myself needs me. God gave me my life and my body with matching awesome personality. (ehem!) And I’m gonna love it unconditionally… :D

I’m in a relationship with myself and I’m perfectly content and happy…. are you?

Think about it. :D
 

I think I’m getting a little bit wiser lately.. these are a couple of my answers when asked if i was regretting my decision to stay on my current job instead of traveling like how i planned:

*if I start regretting my actions today, I will never amount to anything and will always be stuck in the past. so why regret and make my life miserable? I’d very much rather make the most out of it, so even if it sucks, I’d still have some pretty awesome memories along the way… :)

*Just enjoy what you have as of the moment… simple principle really, if you dont think about missing out on the things you could be doing or would have done, you will enjoy the place where you are at the moment better.. Don’t think of “What if’s”. it will just make you blind of the special thing you already have, but fail to see. Just  keep moving forward. :)

** I recently just started to work as a nurse trainee in a private hospital in my City. my Area of expertise is in the Operating Room. well, that’s at least what I thought before starting work in a new Hospital. I got so used to working in a government Hospital setting that I unknowingly carried habits from my past work place. It is what’s making me feel so out of place in my new area.

How they do things in the other company and my present company are totally different. It makes you wonder if everything you believed in and tried to know by heart was all a lie. it’s really hard to adapt.

These are my colleagues! I love these people.. :)

I cant really complain much since I moved to a much better Hospital with complete instruments and all. I don’t even have to budget every single medicine or OS anymore. (never thought, I’d miss reusing OS.. :/) My colleagues and Seniors are really helpful and nice. Policies are strict (Very strict!) unlike my previous hospital.

They say that I should not be comparing. But it really cant be helped. As much as I enjoyed my time in my old work place. I have to move forward and learn new things. different settings mean different systems on how they handle things. I should be able to adapt and cope with this new change. Even if I’m struggling…

Do I wish to be travelling??

YES!

Would I choose it over my career?

OFCOURSE not… :) 

***Who wants to win the following items???

I WANT TO WIN THEM!!! XD

***Is it True? 

I do, I do, I do.. OOooohhh! XD

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Well, as far as you guy’s have read from above, I just entered Mich Eats and Shops ’ Giveaway! :D
She will be giving away a lot of fabulous cosmetics like L’Oreal, Maybelline, Avon, and Careline products!
Sure, most of us can just buy all of them if you have the cash… but why pass the chance of getting all these items for free???? XD

I love free stuff. It’s one of the small pleasures in life.. :3

But do you know what I love more than free stuff?? (other than food of course)

FREE stuff that you get for minimum effort! :)))
just like this giveaway! :)

Wanna know how to join?
Visit the link! <3